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IKEA?

September 15, 2010

So my mother finally went to IKEA yesterday… so excited, the prices are so low. This is not the first time I have assembled cheap particle board furniture, but it was my first 6 drawer dresser.  Needless to say, there are about a thousand pieces of hardware that I had to sort through. Luckily they decided to just put it all in one handy bag.

I “volunteered” to put this furniture together for a single reason. Well… besides the fact that I love my mother and sister… if I leave this for my father to do, I know how it is going to go. There will be cussing, talk of communism, reminiscing about better days with real solid wood furniture that enabled kids to walk uphill to school both ways, the antique furniture he would have used the money on… and the list goes on. I tried to get this project completed before he got back from his business trip, and I have included an illustration below on how I think the process may have gone if I had waited for his help.

This first illustration is what was included in the directions.

Here are their helpful tips:

  1. Apparently you will get frustrated if you try and do this yourself.
  2. If  you put the dresser on a rug or carpet, it is so much easier you will be able to use one hand.
  3. Inevitably you will lose your patience and happily call IKEA.

IKEA Helpful Tips Instruction Manual

Here is my real world interpretation…

  1. Particle board needs lots of extra nails and super glue.
  2. Beware of inviting friends to help…
  3. When they start showing off using one hand…
  4. You will be forced to kill them with your hammer…
  5. Then explain your actions to the authorities…
  6. Because calling IKEA at this phase of construction is really pointless.

Tomorrow… a nice big shelving unit. I need to drink more beer this time…

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